How do you feel about seeking help for your relationship?
Would you openly and excitedly share this with your friends and family? Or would you be embarrassed and feel a sense of failure? Have you been putting up and avoiding the entire situation just because it feels so uncomfortable?
In a world where relationships are often portrayed as effortless, eternal fairy tales, the thought of seeking help for your romantic life can carry a heavy stigma.
Getting help with your relationship , despite its potential to enrich and strengthen connections, can often have people feeling embarrassed and fearing judgement from others.
A Fresh Perspective
So let’s delve into this stigma, and take a fresh perspective on why seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather a mark of courage and innovation.
“If we really loved each other we wouldn’t need help”
Many individuals fear that admitting to needing help suggests that there’s something ‘wrong’ with them or their partner. And that if they truly loved each other they would just somehow work it out.
This is a completely unrealistic way of thinking. The truth about relationships is that they are all imperfect – they are messy, they are complex and all of us at times will struggle with them. Why? because we humans are by nature imperfect, fallible, irrational beings.
When we can accept that and look realistically at relationships and the completely normal and natural challenges they bring, is when we will be able to meet those challenges differently from a constructive and rational perspective.
To add to this problem we need more help than ever, for the very reason that in today’s world, our expectations of relationships are so much higher – we no longer get together just to have kids and build a home, we also we want our partner to be our soulmate, our best friend, our source of unwavering support and a passionate, exciting lover, no matter how many years we’ve been together!
Personally I love that we ask so much from relationships, aim high, I say, however, these high expectations also come with a caveat: they require a new approach. Wanting more but coming at relationships the same way that our parents or grandparents did is not going to work.
We Need To Take Action And Learn New Skills
To put it another way, you don’t get an amazing body by sitting on the sofa talking about how disappointed you feel about your body shape or size. You get an amazing body by going to the gym and learning how build or tone muscle.
We already know this and happily encourage and compliment anybody who does this. Why is it not the same with relationships?
Why do we not openly encourage and applaud people to take action and get help when it’s needed? Particularly because relationships are probably one the most important experiences you can have in life.
As others have said before me, the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.
However having a quality relationship with your partner requires open communication, managing your different personalties and understanding each others’s needs so that neither of you feels disrespected or disregarded.
These are not skills we are born with, but the good news is they are skills that can be learned.
And here’s more good news, maintaining and developing a relationship doesn’t require huge, dramatic changes. It often occurs in those small, everyday interactions—the willingness to listen without judgement, the commitment to focus on creative solutions rather than arguing over who’s right or wrong, and the determination to weather life’s storms together.
Relationship coaching, counselling or therapy can provide invaluable tools and strategies for navigating these challenges, helping couples cultivate a stronger, more resilient bond.
Let’s Challenge The Stigma
So It’s time to challenge the stigma surrounding getting help for your relationship.Be loud and proud and embrace a new paradigm—one that celebrates vulnerability and growth.
Rather than viewing seeking help as a sign of weakness, we could recognise it as an act of courage and self-awareness. Just as the stigma of getting therapy for mental health has decreased, so should seeking guidance for our intimate relationships.
Instead of seeing those who see relationship coaching as failures, we should regard them as pioneers—innovators who are unafraid to confront the complexities of love head-on. By embracing this perspective, we can create a culture where getting help is normalised and celebrated, paving the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships for generations to come.